One day Johnny was at church and ask the priest may I go to the bathroom, the priest said. "Yes you may." Johnny left and headed for the woods. He found a big tree and crouched down to take a dump. Meanwhile, the priest went looking for him in the woods. Johnny heard the priest coming, wiped his butt with a leaf and pulled his pants up. Johnny then took his hat off and put it on top of the poop. The priest saw him and said, "What do you got underneath there?" Johnny hesitated and said, " The fastest bird in the world." The priest said, "Oh yeah, let`s see." "Ok" Johnny said, "On the count of 3, when I take the hat off, I want you to grab the bird." "1 - 2 - 3." Johnny pulled the hat away and the priest grabbed the poop. "WOW, that bird is so fast it left the poop behind" said Johnny.
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real. He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He`s in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He`s in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He`s in our bathroom! ! !" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Good Lord, are you still in there? !"
One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hand. The teacher says, "See it`s long neck? What animal has a long neck?" Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up their hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students holds up their hand. "See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?" Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it`s something your mother calls your father." Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it`s a horny bastard."
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn`t forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she`ll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that`s neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnny`s dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy`s dying!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy`s dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy`s balloons and she`s screaming `Oh God, I`m coming!"
A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year old Little Johnny answers holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little boy, is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What the hell do you think?"
The telephone lineman had been out drinking the night before, and the next day he went to work not feeling too good. He climbed to the top of the first pole and as he took his pliers out to repair the wire he dropped them. He had to climb all the way down to retrieve them. As he got to the bottom of the pole and was picking up his pliers, Little Johnnie, who was standing there said, "My daddy is a lineman too and he would have had two pair of pliers, so he wouldn`t have to climb down the pole if he dropped one of them." The lineman tried to ignore Little Johnnie and climbed back up the pole very slowly. About his time he needed a hammer to drive in a large nail. As he was taking it out, it slipped and fell to the ground. Again he had to climb down the pole to retrieve it. So he slowly climbed down the pole and sure enough Little Johnnie was still standing there. He said, "My daddy is a lineman too and he would have carried two hammers so if he had lost one he wouldn`t have to climb down." This irritated the lineman, but he ignored Little Johnnie and climbed back up the pole to finish his work. He was no sooner up the pole than he had to go to the bathroom, so down he climbed from the pole and went over to the bushes to take a leak. As he was relieving himself he saw Little Johnny watching him through the bushes. He`d had it with this kid so he said to him, "I`ll bet your dad doesn`t have two of these, does he?" Little Johnny replied, "No, but his would make two of yours."
Little Johnny asked his classmate "Do you know how to keep a foolish person in suspense." "No, you tell me." "I ll tell you some other day."
Little Johhny was sitting on the side walk with a small bottle of sulphuric acid, pouring drops on the ants as they crawled past. A priest passing by saw this, and approached him. "Good morning, young man. What are you doing with that little bottle?" he asked politely. "I'm burning the ants with the acid," the boy replied. Thinking that a bottle of acid was dangerous for a small boy to play with, the priest thought of how he could persuade the boy to part with it. "Listen son, I have a bottle of holy water here that you could put on the ants instead," said the priest. "No way Father!" said Little Johnny, "I'd rather have this bottle." "But mine is special holy water," replied the priest. "Well, what's so special about it?" enquired Little Johnny. "Ah," said the priest, "I once put a drop of this on a lady's belly and she passed a child." "That's nothing!" exclaimed Johnny, "I once put a drop of this on a dog's testicles, and he passed a Harley Davidson! ! !"
Miss Jones is a kindergarten teacher and today is her birthday. As she walked into her classroom one of her students, Dollly, had brought a gift up to her desk. "Guess what it is!" said Dolly. Knowing that Dolly`s father owned a bookstore she guessed, "A Book?" "How did you know?" asked Dolly Next, Robert brought a gift up to Miss Smith. "Guess what it is!" said Robert. Knowing that his parents owned a florist shop, she guessed, "Flowers?" "How did you know?" asked Robert Finally, Johnny brought up a gift for Miss Smith. "Guess what it is!" said Johnny. Knowing that Johnny`s father owned a liquor store, and seeing that the bag was wet, she placed her fingers on the liquid and then licked them. "Rum?" guessed Miss Smith. "No" said Johnny. She tasted again..."Vodka?" she guessed. "No" said Johnny. Once again she wet her fingers and tasted, "I know," said Miss Smith, "It`s wine." "No!" said Johnny..."it`s a puppy."
Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents` bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked into the bathroom and saw his father removing a used condom. "Daddy, what are you doing?" asked little Johnny. His father looked around nervously wondering what he could tell his son. I, um, I`m just checking out the bathroom for mice." replied his father. Johnny looked at his father with a gaze of confusion and said, "Well, what are you doing? Fu*king them?"
A third grade teacher always took roll call each morning and had the students answer by reciting a short poem. The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher`s pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can." The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby...if I can, and I think I can." The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don`t give a damm about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can and I think can!"
Little Johnny at the swimming pool. Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You`re not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I`m going to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool," said Johnny. "Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What s the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
Little Johnny and Suzy have almost nothing to do one day. All of a sudden, Johnny gets this great idea. "Let`s take turns sliding down the banister rail!" he suggests. "Oh no," answers Suzy, "That is way too scary." "No, it is not," says Johnny, "it will be fun!" And he proceeds to the top of the stairs. The banister rail is long and very smooth with a beautiful big marble ball at its base. Johnny climbs on it and slides down the rail, squealing with excitement as he goes. He jumps off just before he gets to the marble ball at the bottom. "That was great," he says. "Come on, you try now." Suzy still is not quite sure that this is such a good idea. "No," she says, "It looks too scary." "No, it is not," said Johnny, and away he goes again to the top of the stairs. He climbs on and down he goes again, having just as much fun as he did the first time. He jumps off just before the marble ball at the bottom. "You gotta try this, it s the best!" urges Johnny. Well, little Suzy is not one to stay scared for very long and this really does look like fun, so she agrees. To the top of the stairs she goes. She straddles the banister rail, and slowly lets go with her hands. Down she goes, a lot faster than she expected. WHAM! Right into the marble ball at the bottom. Little Suzy starts to cry and almost falls off the banister rail. When Johnny sees her so upset, crying ever harder and holding her groin where she collided with the marble ball, he gets a little scared that maybe she has really hurt herself. "Maybe you d better let me see," suggests Little Johnny. So Suzy lifts her little dress and pulls down her panties. Little Johnny`s face goes pale white. "OH, NO!" he shouts."THIS IS HORRIBLE! YOU KNOCKED IT RIGHT OFF! !"
The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?" "I'm in love," the boy replied. Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?" "With you!" he said. "But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child." "Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"
Johnny and his father are observing a couple of dogs screwing each other. "Dad, what`re the dogs doing?" asks Johnny. "Well, the one below has relaxed and the one above has concentrated." "Okay, I`ve understood." "What`ve you understood! ?" asks the father sarcastically. "Never relax in your life, dad, or you`ll get fucked like a dog!"
A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, "Oh miss, oh miss!" with his arm pumping. "Yes, Johnny, what is it?" she asked, trying to remain calm. Little Johnny stood up and proclaimed to the class, "At our house, we have everything." "Don`t be silly," the teacher replied, "not even the richest man has everything." "We do," he answered, "My Daddy said so the other day." "Now, why would your father say such a thing?" she asked. "Well, my sister came home with her boyfriend, and told Dad that she was pregnant. That`s when my Dad said, "God, that`s all we needed!"
One bright Sunday morning Cindy and Mark took their eight-year-old son, Johnny, to church. They sat right in the front so Johnny could get all the benefits from church. But as we know eight-year-old boys do not like church at all. Especially little Johnny. Halfway through the pastor`s sermon Johnny fell asleep. The pastor noticed this, and it was distracting him from preaching. He decided to go over to Johnny and ask him a question about God. "Son, do you know who created all the heavens and earth?" His mother, Cindy, who did not want to be embarrassed by her son falling asleep, stuck a pin in her son`s right butt cheek. "GOD! ! ! !" Cried little Johnny. "Very good," the pastor replied. For he could not say it was wrong. And he continued on. But a short while later, Johnny fell asleep again. The pastor once again noticed this and decided to ask another question, "Who was Mary and Joseph`s son?" The pastor asked. Johnny`s dad, Mark, did not want to be embarrassed either, so he stuck a pin in his son`s left butt cheek. "JESUS CHRIST! ! ! !" Yelled Johnny. And once again the pastor replied "Very good." Near the end of the church service, Johnny could not control himself and fell asleep again. For the last time, the pastor decided to embarrass him and ask a very hard question. "What did Eve say to Adam on the morning when they woke up on the first day?" But before Johnny`s parents could do anything Johnny shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I`M GOING TO TAKE IT AND BREAK IT IN HALF!"
Little Johnny had to walk past a whorehouse to get to school and back. One morning a whore on the second floor porch hollered down, "Hi little boy!", and waved at him with her little finger. That afternoon it was the same thing. "Hi little boy!", and waved at him with her little finger. This went on for several days and Johnny didn't like it. So one morning he asked her, "How come every time I come by here you say 'hi little boy'and wave like that?" She held up her pinkie and said, "Beacuse I figure that's about the size of it, little boy!" Now Johnny was really pissed. That afternoon it was the same old thing again. "Hi little boy!", and waved at him with her little finger. Johnny put both pinkies in his mouth, Stretched it out and hollered, "HI WHORE! ! !"
Five years old Johnny and his little sister are peeping through a keyhole at their parents making love. "Wow, look at them! And we are not allowed even to stick a finger in our nose!"
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through out the class. One day the teacher asked her while she was napping, `Tell me, Mary, who created the universe? ` When Mary didn`t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. `God Almighty! ` shouted Mary. Teacher said, `Very good,` and Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, `Who is our Lord and Savior? ` But, Mary didn`t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. `Jesus Christ! ` shouted Mary. The teacher said, `Very good,` and Mary fell back asleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. `What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? ` And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, `If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I`ll break it in half! ` The Teacher fainted.
A teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable. "Joe, Do you know any multi-syllable words?" After some thought Joe proudly replied, "Monday." "Great, that has two syllables, Mon......day. Does anyone know another word." "I do! I do!" replied Johnny. Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Kelly instead. "OK Kelly, what is your word." "Saturday." says Kelly. "Great, that has three syllables..." Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says, "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!" Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.
K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?" Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful." "No Ma'am, your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."
One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage. She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, jonny?"Milk!" answered Little Johnny. "No, I`m sorry. That`s the wrong answer. Roses drink water," explained the teacher. "Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn`t know the stem was that long!"
A door-to-door salesman rang the bell at a suburban home, and the door was opened by Little Johnny puffing on a long black cigar. Hiding his amazement, the salesman asked Johnny, "Is your Mother home?" Little Johnny took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes on the carpet, and asked, "What do you think?"
Little Johnny had hurt his finger while working on his model airplane. He ran to his mother, who kissed the wound and made it better. On the way to the store a little later, Johnny fell off his bike and scraped his knee. He ran to his mother, who kissed it and made it better. Returning from the store, Johnny ran into the town bully, who kicked him in the nuts. Johnny rushed home. His mother said, "Son, you`re getting more like your father every day!"
Little Johnny and Julie are only 12 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Julie's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Julie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies, "In Julie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Still thinking this is just adorable; Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Julie." Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance...
Julie makes 10 bucks a week and I make 20 bucks a week. That's about 120 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine." By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far..."
Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetics. "Why?", asks the father. "The teacher asked `How much is 2x3? ` I said `6`" "But that`s right!", the father says. "Then she asked me `How much is 3x2? `" "What`s the fucking difference?", the father enquires. "That`s exactly what I said." right!", the father says. "Then she asked me `How much is 3x2? `" "What`s the fucking difference?", the father enquires. "That`s exactly what I said."
The final examination for an English class was two hours long and exam booklets were provided. The teacher was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, Little Johnny came rushing in and asked the teacher for an exam booklet. "You`re not going to have time to finish this," the teacher stated sarcastically as he handed him a booklet. "Yes I will," replied Little Johnny. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the teacher called for the exams, and all the students filed up and handed them in except Johnny, who continued writing. Fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny came up to the teacher who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there. "No you don`t, I`m not going to accept that. It`s late." Little Johnny looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?" "No, as a matter of fact I don`t," replied the teacher. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Little Johnny said again. "No, and I don`t care." replied the teacher with an air of superiority. "Good," replied Little Johnny, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
Little Johnny`s father sat down next to him on the couch one day and said, Okay, Johnny, once there was this big, black rooster, and it was sitting on a fence post. How many wings does the rooster have? Johnny replied, it has two. Little Johnny`s father then asked, how many eyes does the rooster have? Johnny replied, it has two. Little Johnny`s father then asked, well then, how many legs do you think the rooster had? Johnny replied, It has two, daddy. So then, Little Johnny`s daddy said, Well then, a big white cat walks up to where the big black rooster is standing on the fence post and opens its mouth to hiss at the rooster. How many teeth does the cat have? Little Johnny scratched his head and replied; I don`t know daddy, how many teeth does the cat have? Little Johnny`s daddy grabbed him by the arm and exclaimed, Alright boy, how come you know so much about big black cocks and so little about white pussy?
Little Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he`d done so well during the year that the teacher suggested to the principal that they gave him an oral exam to make up for the test he missed. The principal agreed so they called Little Johnny into the office and explained to him what they were going to do. First the teacher asked, "Johnny, what does a cow have four of, that I only have two of?" Little Johnny replied, "Legs." Next the teacher asked, "Johnny, what do you have in your pants that I don`t have in my pants?" Little Johnny replied, "Pockets." Finally the teacher asked, "Johnny, what is the capital of Italy?" Little Johnny replied. "Rome." The teacher turned to the principal and asked," What do you think, should we pass him?" The principal replied, "Better not ask me, I got the first two wrong."
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers. "Yes," he said, "I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after three?" "Four," answers the boy. "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a fine job. What comes after ten?" "A jack."
The naughty, Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it was not my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That`s when she hit me!" "Johnny," the father said. "You don`t do those kind of things to women." The very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny`s father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" "But Dad," Johnny said, "It was not my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn`t like this, so I pushed it back in!"
Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train coming. Panicked he started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!" Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!" Still nothing his foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared. He tried his plea one more time, "God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress." Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him. He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said, "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself."
The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it`s normal size when excited?" Jessica responds: "That`s disgusting! I don`t have to answer that question!" So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: "That`s easy...the pupil of the eye." "That`s correct, Johnny. Very good!" And turning to Jessica, she says: "I`ve three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn`t do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you`re in for a big disappointment!"
Johnny is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, he manages to hit everything but the toilet. So his mom has to go in and clean up after him. After two weeks, she has had enough, and takes Johnny to the doctor. After the examination, the doctor said, "His unit is too small. An old wives' tale is to give him two slices of toast each morning, and his unit will grow so he can hold it and aim straight." The next morning Johnny jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. There on the table, are twelve slices of toast. "Mom!" Johnny yells. "The doctor said I only had to eat two slices of toast." "I know." said his mother. "The other ten are for your father."
Little Johnny is lying in his bed one night and just can`t get to sleep. He decides to go to his parent`s room to go chat to them. Upon entering their room, he sees their blankets going up-and-down. Johnny:" Mommy, daddy, what are you doing?" Parents:" We are playing cards, now GET OUT!" So Johnny decides to go into hisgrandparent`s room, only to find the blankets going up-and-down. Johnny:" Granny, Grandpa, what are you doing?" Grandpa:" Get out! We are playing cards!" Feeling rejected, Johnny goes back to his own room and gets back into bed. A while later both his parents, and grandparents feel bad for yelling at him so decide to go and apologize. Upon entering his room, they see the blankets going up-and-down. "Johnny! What are you doing? ? ! !" Johnny:"I`m playing cards." Grandpa:" But who`s your partner?" Johnny: "With a hand like this, who needs a partner?"
Little Johnnie was very lustful for a girl living in his neighborhood. He invited her to dinner, and she accepted. After dinner, he drove to a little mountain about 5 miles away from the city, and told her: "I want you right here and now. Do it or get out and go home!" Without saying a word, she got out and walked home. A few weeks later, after a lot of apologizing, he invited her again, and she agreed. Later, he drove to another mountain about 10 miles away. Same question, same answer: the girl got out of the car and walked home. Another few weeks later, after sending flowers and candies and even more apologizing, Johnnie gave it another try. The girl accepted once again. This time, Johnny wanted to make it sure, so he drove 50 miles away. Once again he said: "I want you now. Do it or get out and walk home!" Without saying a word, the girl undressed and the two had the greatest sex in Johnnie`s whole life. Afterwards, when the two of them were dressed again and drove home, Johnnie asked her why she had walked home the first two times, as she had obviously enjoyed it very much. The girl answered: "Well, I will gladly walk 5 and even 10 miles to save a good friend from gonorrhea, but 50 miles is just too much to ask."
One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage. She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you,
Johnny?" "Milk!" answered Little Johnny. "No, I`m sorry. That`s the wrong answer. Roses drink water," explained the teacher. "Wow!", Johnny exclaimed, "I didn`t know the stem was that long!"
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn`t forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she`ll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that`s neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnny`s dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy`s dying!" is father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy`s dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy`s balloons and she`s screaming `Oh God, I`m coming!"
A new primary school teacher starts her first day of class. She begins by asking students to stand and introduce themselves. The first child stands and says, "My name is Mary Johnson." "Thank you, Mary", says the teacher. The second student says, "My name is Sam Smith." "Thank you, Sam." The third student says, "My name is Johnny Fuckhour." The teacher is horrified, and tells Johnny that this type of language will not be allowed. He replies, "Honest, my name is Johnny Fuckhour. If you don't believe me, check up in the fifth grade where my brother is." So the teacher walks up to the fifth grade class, and asks, "Do you have a Fuckhour in here?" One boy stands in the back of the room and says, "Hell, no! We don't even get a nap hour in here!"